small town life

I'm tired of living in a small town.  I went running today, and I felt like everyone I passed just stared until I was out of sight.  It's the culture here.  If something's happening, you stare at it.  People do it with no qualms. 

After the run, I met my husband for lunch.  The person working the counter is one of the biggest busybodies I've encountered in this town, and I wasn't even slightly in the mood to chitchat with her.  My solution was to just not order anything.  My avoidance drove her so crazy that she started furiously sweeping right next to where we were sitting.  I moved closer to my husband, like we were sharing a really personal, intimate moment, until she eventually moved her sweeping elsewhere.  Then I snuck out of the restaurant while he threw out his trash.  As he left, she yelled, "Tell your wife I said hi!"  She wasn't going to let it slide. 

I feel like heart-diseased Barbara Hershey in Beaches: "Just leave me alone, all right?  That's all I want - is to be left fucking alone!" 

I just spent a few weeks traveling through Southwestern cities, where people were not the least bit interested in me or my activities.   I'm ready to live anonymously in a city again.  One year to go in this place - maybe I will be granted the power of invisibility in the meantime. 

A New Year's gift from me to you

Lately, I've been having this experience of people talking at me. I'm a pretty patient listener, and this sometimes prompts people to take me on a conversational ride. I can learn about marriages, divorces, deaths, drinking problems, career histories, and musical tastes without having to say more than a few words. I realized that one person who does this to me on a fairly frequent basis has never even asked me where I'm from.

I recently read an article that had some good advice: when someone is talking endlessly, instead of sitting there passively, saying "uh-huh," and praying for it to end, you should stay involved. Ask questions that direct the conversation: "Oh, you like Jay-Z? What do you think of Alicia Keys? I really like her vocals in 'Empire State of Mind'." Stay on topic, but direct it toward your own interests a bit, and force them to think about what you are thinking about.

More often than not, this tactic will become boring to them (because they are not truly interested in talking to you, they are interested in hearing themselves talk), and they will move on to the next victim.

This works- I've tried it! You can see their eyes start to move frantically around the room, and within minutes, they are making an excuse to get the hell away from you. It's very empowering. "Take that, sucka! I'm as boring to you as you are to me."

Happy New Year, everybody!